Patching the problem VS long-term change

"life is suffering" are the words of the now world-famous controversial psychoanalyst and author Dr. Jordan Peterson in his book 12 rules for life. While I broadly agree with many of Peterson's statements and views, I had to think about this statement for a while when reading his book. Indeed, throughout our lives, we cannot escape the fact that we occasionally encounter problems from which we suffer physically and mentally. Unfortunately, for some people, this is more true than for others.

However, does this mean that life is one great unavoidable agony? Or is it perhaps possible to significantly reduce a large part of our 'problems' and the associated suffering through personal development and a change in perspective and possibly ban them entirely from our lives?

Problems due to external circumstances

We don't always control the things that happen to us in life. Dr. Peterson's personal life is also an excellent example of this. It, therefore, feels daring to put his statements to the test. The amount of suffering this man has endured by external circumstances can safely be called extreme after his wife, child, and himself have been seriously ill for an extended period. They suffered emotionally from their health and all the controversy Peterson's views and statements have summoned in recent years. The message "life is suffering" is very understandable from this man's perspective.

Could all his suffering have somehow been prevented? The answer is most likely no. No one escapes the sometimes painful consequences of external events such as disease, death of a loved one, or traumas we suffered as children. However, I believe that we can significantly influence how we let these terrible events shape our present and future.

Today, more and more scientific studies are published on the connection between our mental and physical health. Several of these studies have shown that when we stress for a long time or experience more anger, are depressed, or are simply less optimistic than others, we have a seriously increased risk of cardiovascular disease and the development or recurrence of cancer. In short, our upbringing (conditioning), behavior, and characteristics significantly influence our physical health. This gives the impression that we can avoid much of our suffering by working on our emotional state.

Problems due to internal circumstances

Nobody voluntarily chooses for internal problems, but unlike external factors that determine our well-being, fortunately, we can almost always take control of internal issues by ourselves or with guidance. Now that we know that these problems can also lead to illness and cause you to become mentally unbalanced, it is essential to deal with these problems as quickly and well as possible.

Difficulties of an internal nature, such as depression and stress or anger problems, can often determine a large part of our lives without realizing it. They ensure that we make choices based on a survival strategy in which our Authentic Self is pushed aside. Decision-making from a survival strategy results in choices that often lead to the problem we are trying to suppress only getting bigger. This way, you end up in a downward spiral from which it is difficult to escape.

By becoming aware of this internal miscommunication, you are already taking a first step in the right direction. Of course, we don't choose to experience mental complaints, but luckily, we can do something about it. The problem and the solution lie within you.

Some exceptions can make it extremely difficult or even impossible to get out of the downward spiral. Think of people with PTSD, psychiatric disorders, or severe trauma. These disorders are relatively rare, and fortunately, there are more and more breakthroughs in psychology in this area to give these people hope for a more carefree existence.

Patching the problem

There are many different ways of creating the illusion that our problems no longer exist. The most common method of masking is through the use of narcotics. Alcohol, drugs, prescription painkillers, and even antidepressants, can take away the bad feeling but not solve the internal problem. Here, too, you eventually end up in a downward spiral that feeds the problem.

Other addictions can also be regarded as just a plaster on the wound. Shopping addiction, for example, where someone – just like taking drugs – makes themselves feel good for a short time and thereby masks deeper-lying problems. Being a workaholic is also a good way not to worry about yourself.

Wearing a mask (not literally) is also a common way of masking internal problems. Wearing a mask here means that we pretend to be different than we are, and almost everyone wears one or more masks. The covers arise when we cannot deal with certain situations from our Authentic Selves.

Suppose someone angry confronts you: Because you have never learned to resolve conflict peacefully, you become angry and react aggressively. You don't do this because you were born aggressive. You just never learned otherwise. You react from your mask, the only way you know how to deal with conflict – a survival strategy that your brain subconsciously created for you at some point in your life to deal with this kind of situation.

Long-term change

Long-term change does the exact opposite of the earlier given examples. Instead of masking your difficulties, you deal with them. Facing your issues takes time and much more effort than short-term solutions. Fortunately, the results that come from this process are often permanent if you're willing to put in the effort.

While searching for solutions that help you, you look for your Authentic Self. This is often done through professional guidance, although this is not always necessary. There are probably hundreds of ways to work on your personal development and problem-solving. It's up to you to decide what works best. Trauma processing and inner-child work, where you go back to your early childhood to solve problems from the core where they originated, are applied in various branches of psychology and often yield good results.

Mindfulness, meditation, and self-study on your topics can also provide enormous relief if you prefer to work yourself on your personal development first. There are plenty of good self-help books, and unfortunately, many bad ones too. If you feel overwhelmed and have a hard time figuring out where to start, get in touch, and I'll probably be able to recommend something. Alternatively, you could have a look for yourself on my Library Page, which is regularly updated with book recommendations and helpful video material.

You are mainly in control of it yourself

Seeing life as agony is, in my view, a rather pessimistic and sad worldview. Therefore, this negative image probably also leads you to create more suffering in your inner world. Many things that you don't feel comfortable with or make up a part of your not-Self can be significantly reduced with the proper techniques and guidance. Problems often arise from irrational thoughts that lead to undesirable consequences. How you stand in life largely determines your happiness and health, so allow yourself a more pleasant existence. You are mainly in control of it yourself.